List Tuesday- February pt 1.

Why February is Weird

1. It’s the shortest month out of the year. Some years it’s a day longer and it's STILL the shortest month out of the year. Wouldn’t it make sense to just have some of the 30 day months be 31 day months?! or make a special even weirder month that was only a week long? I'd call it Weirdsuaryemberly (just added that word to me Word Dictionary!)

2. Even though it’s the shortest month of the year it’s Black History Month, which just makes me feel like we’re still finding the pettiest way of screwing over African Americans. Seriously guys, it couldn’t have been ANY OTHER MONTH?! (except Weirdsuaryemberly... they need that for women's history month)

3. Valentine’s Day is absolutely ridiculous, and I LOVE romance. I’m fine with buying chocolates and roses and promising back massages to my beautiful fiancé but when it comes to setting aside one day of the year where that is expected it goes against the whole idea of romance. I’d probably be better off doing nothing for Valentine’s Day, thus lowering her expectations, and then doing everything I would have done on some random day in March. No one expects romance in March.

4. It's in the winter? Really?! I mean, I know technically winter starts at the end of December but everyone knows that it basically ends after Christmas and then it’s some strange unknown and unnamed season that I like to call pre-spring. When I talk about “walking in a winter wonderland” there is no part of me that thinks of the Valentine’s Day displays at Target.

5. All the candies are red. Cherry flavored candy tastes like cough syrup and then MAYBE you eat a piece of strawberry candy and it’s like the best day of your life but to get there you’ve got to suffer through an endless number of CHERRY candies… ie cough drops, cough syrup, the flavor in your mouth after you’ve vomited up cough drops and cough syrup… oh, uh, guh… I’m gagging at the thought.

6. Bruary is really hard to pronounce. Just try it for a second and then think about all the other months. January is the closest to being difficult and you still have that sweet relief of a hard “n” before you’ve got to get into that vowel cluster cause of “ua”. But what is up with that “buh” in February, it’s just puts a wrench in the whole thing and makes you sound like you’re in the middle of a game of chubby bunny. Feb-bu-wawy.

7. All of the above. It’s like the concept of a filling; you hurt a lot right now so you don’t have to suffer as much in the future. If we put all the sucky things on one month then all the other months seem great in comparison… especially December, which is like the King of Hearts of months. When you already have a weird sounding month why would you make it the shortest just for kicks, and then start weighing it down with all sorts of weird things like Valentine’s day, and winter, and then take the weirdest month of the year and say “ok, the blacks can have this one”… super racist guys.

TUNE IN NEXT WEEK FOR “WHY FEBRUARY IS AWESOME”… it will probably be my shortest list yet! :-)

Rant Monday- Courageous

I walked down the streets of Montebello at around 10 PM after church on a Wednesday night. Kate had left about 30 minutes ago while I sat in my car trying hopelessly to get it to start. I had thought to myself, 'maybe I'll just try a few more things and if it doesn't work I'll give her a call on her cell and she can give me a ride home.' Five minutes later I called. No answer. So I started walking.

The church is right next to Whittier Blvd., which is the largest street in Montebello. When I bike to work cars pass it at ridiculous speeds while pedestrians seem to leap out in the road as if wanted to be hit with my bike. From a bicycling standpoint it was dangerous but I had never had the opportunity of walking it at night.

Kate finally called when she had gotten back to her house and as I walked and talked with her I remember saying "I feel like I'm in a haunted house that is made to look like a vacant street." Like that one Goosebumps where they're trick or treating and they don't realize that they actually got transported to another world. I was irrationally terrified, but as I walked from storefront to store front the number of closed down shops far outweighed the number of open ones, and the once busy street had only an occasional car.

I prayed to myself, "God let me get home safe," but as I prayed I leapt at a jogger who passed me as I was walking. It was as if God was playing a cruel joke.

Kate and I had recently watched the Kendrick Brother's "Courageous", and at the time I was walking the content of that film was the furthest thing from my mind, but when I got home safely I laid in my bed catching my breath and I felt shame overwhelm me. "If I had seen my Dad jumping in fear like I was tonight I would be ashamed of him... my son would be ashamed of me."

It's amazing how fear can seep into your life in the most casual ways. It's never fear like from a horror movie that really eats away at your soul, it's the stupid fears that get you. The fear of eating at that B-Rated taco place down the street. The fear of parking in front of that one neighbors house cause it looks run-down. The fear of embarrassing yourself, or challenging yourself, or the fear of change.

"[…] for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control." 2 Timothy 1:7

We like to think of courage as fearlessness. David was fearless when he faced Goliath but his fearlessness was a product of his courage. I think about this verse and how it doesn't simply say, "God gave us a fearLESS spirit," but it specifies that the spirit is of power and LOVE and self-control. These three things are the elements of courage.

1. We have a spirit of power. A spirit that is bigger, stronger, faster, than EVERYTHING else. It is the all-powerful Spirit of God. So of course when we talk of fear we are reminded that the Spirit of God is the one with ALL POWER. Our spirit isn't fearless, but our spirit is fearful of God. It recognizes the overwhelming power of the LORD.

2. We have a spirit of LOVE. Not a violent spirit, as we often think of when we think of fearless. Going back to David, he was fearless enough to defeat Goliath but was he fearless enough to truly LOVE Goliath? The Spirit of God is even greater than fearlessness; it is loving, wishing to restore all things to good. When I watch horror movies (which is very seldom) I hope to see one guy finally get the balls to fight back against whatever is out there. I would be terribly disappointed if I watched as some dude was excessively patient and kind to the bad guy, but the all powerful Spirit of God exercises this love in the face of fear. Patience and kindness are the Spirit's solution.

3. We have a spirit of self-control. Of all the things this is the one that gets me the most. I was supposed to have a spirit of self-control but I allowed myself to be overcome with the worry that something bad might happen, that from an empty storefront some unimaginable badness would leap out and kill me. The heart of fear is our own self-indulgence.

Look at what your biggest fears are, and no I'm not talking about spiders and heights I mean those fear that sit in the back of your head. Fear that you can't provide for the people you love. Fear that you'll lose your job. Fear that you'll fail those around you. These are just a few of mine and as I look at them I realize my fears are rooted in my selfish thinking. Fear of finances is the worst because in the back of my mind all of my thoughts are "how am I going to make sure I get what I deserve."

The Spirit of God is a spirit of self-control that reminds us that the self comes last and that Christ has control.

Bible Wednesday- 1 Timothy 1:5-7

 “The aim of our charge is LOVE that issues from a PURE HEART and a GOOD CONSCIENCE, and a SINCERE FAITH. Certain persons, by swerving from these, have wandered away into VAIN DISCUSSION, desiring to be TEACHERS OF THE LAW, without understanding either WHAT THEY ARE SAYING or the things about which they make CONFIDENT ASSERTIONS.”

I don’t want to be a Bible scholar, and I don’t want to be like many of those mega church pastors who thrive on the fame that comes from their teaching. I want to love others.

I had a discussion with Fred (the senior pastor) about how it’s really easy to say “I want to help people who are in poverty” but it’s a lot harder to put a name and a face to that poverty. Isn’t that like saying you love someone that you only talk to over the Internet. God knows that I’m not saying that you can’t have genuine feelings for people you meet on the internet (Kate and I met on eHarmony) but my true feelings for Kate didn’t come until about a month after I saw her in person and suddenly loving her wasn’t just talking to her through e-mails, but it was washing her dishes and picking up her house, driving to meet her at work for lunch on days that were hard or even days that were easy. I could fall head over heels for a concept of Kate that I made in my head but I couldn’t LOVE Kate til’ I was there next to her showing her love.

Who do you know who lives in poverty right now? Can you see their face? Do you know their name?

The aim of our charge is LOVE that issues from a PURE HEART but I am swerving from these and wandering away into vain discussions. How ugly of a word is VAIN? I mean seriously. It embodies all sorts of self-centered indulgence in just four simple letters. VAIN discussions. But I don’t understand what I am saying of the things about which I make confident assertions unless I’ve put down myself, and with a pure heart, placed a name and a face to someone who is in need.

List Tuesday- Why I'm an Adult

A list of reasons why I am now an adult as of the end of this week:

1. I should finally get my degree from HIU.

2. I will have purchased car insurance for the first time in my life (thanks esurance!)

3. I will have contacted a tax advisor to help me with my new tax return (apparently it gets more complicated when you’re an ordained pastor)

4. I will have renewed my passport.

5. I will have officially woken up before 8 AM VOLUNTARILY for 2 weeks in a row.

Rant- where is it?

I wrote a rant, but then I wasn't sure I wanted to post so I left it on Kate's computer. It will be posted tonight after I get it off her computer. Thanks guys and I hope everyone's excited for the first full week of the new Alex has Office Hours 1000!

List Tuesday- A List about Lists

A List about why I like Lists:

1. My thoughts don’t have to go together perfectly, instead they are organize by numbers which are basically arbitrary.

2. Cracked.com makes list all the time. Oh! And so does Listverse… what ever happened to list verse?

3. You can cross things off of lists and it makes you feel productive.

4. List are a great replacement for actually accomplishing things, it’s like Pinterest but in real-life!

5. Lists are easier for other people to read. They don’t get overwhelmed with info and if they think something is a good idea they can just remember, “that was #5 on that one list” rather than searching through paragraphs trying to find a tiny quote.

Why I don’t like Lists:

All of the above reasons. I don’t actually end up organizing any of my thoughts but rather just putting numbers next to them. Other websites are better at it than I am. It may make you feel productive but it doesn’t mean you actually are productive and though it makes it easier for people to read sometimes that means that people aren’t actually invested in what they’re reading.

When people read they dedicated so much time and energy into a thought or an author that it becomes like a relationship. They have a dialogue in their head that goes on with the ideas and they truly process them and each word that created them. When people look at list they have a countdown in their head and they congratulate themselves for completing each one because it gets them to the ultimate goal of finishing the article. If we had relationships like that, they would really suck.

The NEW Alex has Office Hours 1000!

So I’ve given up on Spiritual Eating Disorders (SED) for a bit. I know some of you are terribly devastated and are planning to sit at home eating a gallon of ice cream because of it, and if I had finished my SED on obesity I’m sure that could have been prevented. Fat jokes and insensitivities aside: with nearly 40 posts and over 1000 views I found myself waking up to this blog and realizing that my greatest adversary would likely be my boredom.

But out of boredom can come great things. List week, a product of my inability to actually sit down and write out all of my thoughts cohesively, resulted in an uptick in readership and me finally coming to terms with some of the frustrations I was experiencing in the new year. Now that list week is over I felt weird going back to the same old blog set-up.

So now, I present to you…

The NEW Alex has Office Hours 1000!

Sleek, simplified, and streamlined (and complete with alliteration!), the New Alex has Office Hours 1000 still has all the things people loved about our humble beginnings but in a new and more readable form.

Obviously that doesn’t mean that I’ve changed the layout of the actual page, my deepest apologies friends, but it does mean I’ve changed my approach to the actual writing of the blogs. So here’s the new set-up!

Long Rant Mondays- this is basically what you’ve come to expect from all of my posts. You’ll get a long post that reads like an essay and goes over some of the things I’m struggling with. Politics, religion, and anything you don’t bring up around strangers will likely be the topic of these days.

List Tuesdays- Think of this as the chaser to Mondays, for those who didn’t make it into work or didn’t have time to finish Mondays they still get new content of Tuesdays but it compliments Monday by being shorter and easier to digest.

Bible Wednesdays- I bought a new Bible because my friend has probably the coolest Bible I’ve ever seen and it made me jealous… I know that’s not a good reason to buy a new Bible but meh. Wednesdays will be a short, like 1-2 paragraphs, talking about what I’m reading that week.

Guest Post Thursdays- (these will NOT be every week)- no longer pushed off to the dark emptiness that is Saturdays, Guest Post will now be smack dap in the middle of the week to shine in all of their Guest Post-y glory.

Creative Fridays- I know when most of you read Guest Post Thursdays you’re palms began to sweat at the fear that I may have gotten rid of the only writing you actually like to read, which was my Random Thursday fiction posts. Well, if you loved Donald and the Dust Bunnies, or you loved the Bill Cosby lip-sync video, then you’ll love waking up on Fridays to find something light and awesome to push you on through the weekend.

I’m excited to get back to posting content, and I apologize for being a slacker but I’m glad that people kept reading and pushed this blog all the way up to 1000 views!

1000 Views!

It's all about celebrating the tiny victories! Alex has Office Hours has officially been viewed 1000 times! Thank you, thank you, thank you, you all are wonderful people.... keep reading :-)

List Week- Friday

You've made it all the way through my first ever list week. I actually think we got more views on List Week than on normal weeks, I'll have to reassess my writing style. Here's a list that isn't for any of you but I'm publishing because I love Kate.

A list of reason’s why I love Kate:

1. She told me to write a blog.

2. She edits my blog posts.

3. She said yes.

4. She’s hot.

5. I know she’ll get really embarrassed that I published this but that she will thank me with kisses.

6. She is helping me stay on my diet.

7. She has helped me in so many ways with the ministry.

8. She isn’t stupid.

9. She is pretty stinkin’ smart.

10. She often writes me apology letters even when it’s my fault.

11. She cries for no reason sometimes. If she didn’t I’d fear she was a robot.

12. She likes acting like a little kid sometimes.

13. She likes acting like an adult sometimes.

14. Those times often don’t line up with mine and it’s hilarious.

15. When they do it’s perfect.

16. She’s a cuddler.

17. She got me my bike and my guitar.

18. She puts up with all my neurosis.

19. I can put up with all of hers :-)

20. I can’t imagine anyone else at the end of the aisle

List Week- Thursday

An utterly pointless list of pointless things:

1. Pandas are not as cute as Red Pandas.

2. Red Pandas are not as cute as St. Bernards or Bernese Mountain Dogs

3. I wish I could own a pet otter.

4. Male cat genitalia reminds me of the space ships from Independence Day

5. I wrote an essay in Elementary school about racism where my thesis was “you can’t pick on black kids because they’re cooler than us.”

6. I also wrote a parody of Animorphs called “Cleanamorphs” where teens where given the power to change into liquids and if you touch alcohol you would be drunk for the rest of your life like Tobias was stuck being an Eagle… stupid Tobias.

7. I miss sixth grade.

8. I miss eighth grade.

9. No part of me misses any part of seventh grade.

10. Is that really how you spell eighth? It looks funny.

11. I once asked my mom how to spell “the” (pronounce thugh instead of thee) and I said “I know how to spell the just not how to spell thugh”… stupid English.

12. Swings are my favorite.

13. Actually Kate is my favorite and swings are in a close second.

14. There are plenty of things that are actually higher on my list of things than swings.

15. I also really enjoy kites and Frisbees (in that order)

16. My mind has reverted back to being in sixth grade, sorry.

17. If you’ve read 17 of these points then you deserve an award, ask for one in the comments and I will send it to you.

18. If you’ve read 18 then you have forfeited your reward.

19. The most memorable story I’ve ever read was actually about pickled pig lips.

20. Hipsters steal all their ideas from my friends and me. They need to stop.

List Week- Wednesday

A list of things to make the ministry better:

1. Show up to work. It’s no secret between Kate and I that I am a remarkably lazy Youth Pastor, but lately my laziness has resulted in some pretty disabling depression. It’s like this strange desire to just not wake up in the morning or do anything productive. I’ve felt it before but not in a while and this time I feel like I need to just nip it in the bud… whatever that means.

2. Give God all of it. I am a super controlling person, which you will learn more about on Monday when we talk about Spiritual Dieting. My desire for control, especially when I feel like I’m sick or somehow not doing my best, is a deep-rooted neurosis. Ministry requires that I give that up, and at this point if I don’t then I will likely find myself in such a stagnant rut that it will take a lot to get out.

3. Rely on others. Not to do work for me but to take ownership of the ministry as well. My friends and family and obviously my fiancé all are great sources of creative and excitement which are the two things that I am missing most when I hit these depressive ruts.

4. Pray continually. It sickens me that my first response when I feel off or ill is to say, “well what am I doing wrong?” The answer to this question typically ends with me doing something that the Internet told me was a good solution. Oh, you’re feeling depressed, go outside and walk around… ok, now what? Oh, drink more water. Really? Drink water? That’s the advice you have? Well get over it Mr. Depressy-pants, life is worse for other people. Great. Now I’m thinking about starving kids in Africa and I just feel worse… I need prayer. I need advice from the creator and that should be my first response. When I feel off I should say, “Lord what is your will? Please give me motivation and focus to accomplish what You wish of me.”

5. Take risks. Or should I say, take leaps of faith? I can feel my heart crying out for adventure (no, I’m not referencing John Eldridge) and for some reason I don’t pursue it. Instead I watch Let’s Make a Deal… that is what I substitute Christ’s desires for me with? Really?

6. Forgive. Forgive others when they don’t meet my expectations and forgive myself when I don’t meet my expectations. There’s nothing worse than the circular logic that comes with depression, you end up saying stuff like “if only I weren’t depressed then I wouldn’t feel so damn depressed.” Forgiveness helps break that cycle.

7. Worship God. David style. Just don’t come a knockin’ on my door between the hours of 10 PM and Midnight cause I will be David-ing it up, let me tell ya.

8. Laugh.