Ministry Wednesday- That time Ruben had a breakdown

These Wednesday posts are supposed to be dedicated to ministry, so at first I thought I could just rehash whatever we were talking about in the youth group. Turns out that I actually have no idea what I’m talking about because that post wasn’t just bad but also based around my entirely inaccurate thoughts about the story of Samuel. Ask Kate. It was terrible.

So then I wrote a post about how terrible my first post would have been. Guess what? Yeah, it was also terrible.

So I didn’t upload either of those, and you’re probably better off because of it, cause God knows you would have gotten halfway through them thinking “maybe this actually gets good at some point,” but luckily something happened to me today that reminded me of what I wanted Ministry Wednesday’s to be about. Not about lessons, or me preaching to my loyal readers, but about what it’s like doing ministry in Montebello when I grew up in Orange County and don’t speak Spanish. Sometimes it’s amazing the kind of weird stuff I face and have absolutely no idea how to deal with.

Clearly Dr. Polmar did not get his degree in Graphic Design,
but it's cheaper than Rosetta Stone. 

We have this awesome ministry called Homework House where we offer free tutoring to the 1^st-8^th graders in our community. It’s been such a huge blessing to the church and to me but it certainly has been my biggest trial as well. I’ve never been great with kids*, and I really didn’t do well in school so putting the two together for the purpose of ministry ends up presenting some unique challenges.

Today one of the kids came up to me while I was helping a girl with a word problem (they always need help with word problems) and he says, very plainly, “is the world going to end?” and as a knee jerk reaction I say “yeah…” and start to think of how to respond. Apparently yeah was a bad choice of word because he fell to the ground bawling. Yeah you read that right, he literally couldn’t stand because he was so devastated. He looked like a tween-girl seeing Robert Pattinson in person for the first time (or anytime really).

An honor once reserved only for The Beatles.

I had no idea what to do and all I could think of was… “so is he post-millenial or pre-millenial? I’m not sure what the logical arguments are for any of these things. Just don’t repeat the plot of Left Behind and I should be good.”

I tried to reason with him at first. “Well, of course the world is going to end at some point, but not anytime soon.”

And my mind went back to Bible College mode. “I can’t really say that, cause well, it could end right now, but I’m not going to tell some little kid that the world could end right now, but I can’t lie to him either.”

So I stuck with the lie.

He wasn’t appeased.

As tears continued to roll down his face I grasped at straws until he finally said “I don’t want to die.” Now I have my in.

“Well you believe in Jesus don’t you?”

“yea…yea…yeah…” tears still rolling down, tons of snot coming out of his nose, his face all shiny with pure devastation.

“Well he offers us eternal life if we believe in him.”

Still not good enough.

Now this exercise in applied theological theories wasn’t helping this poor little 10 year old and I started to realize that this stuff just really isn’t going to make sense. I’d say things like “God’s going to renew this earth and take out all the bad stuff and it will be like this but way better. You like pizza right? There will be pizza. And of course your parents will be there, but they’ll be better, they won’t be sick or tired and they’ll love you so much. It’s like when school gets out for the summer, you’re not sad, you’re excited about all the new things you get to do and all the free time you’ll have.”

What I think heaven is like for a 10 year old.

Now I took an exegetical class on the book of Revelation and there were plenty of conversations throughout my time at Bible College about my eschatology, but never once did they consist of “yeah, there will be pizza, and it will be like summer vacation.” That whole, “I’m not going to lie to this kid” thing just flew out the window for the more noble thought of, “I’m gonna do whatever it takes to get this kid to stop crying”.

The tears continued, even with the pizza comment, until finally I said, “well, that’s it. You done?” and offered my hand to help him up. He looked at me confused and stopped crying and then got up and walked out. He was fine.

I thought about it later as I was driving to Kate’s house (mostly cause I was thinking, “how the heck can I turn this into a post?!”) and I realized that when it comes to all of these discussions about heaven and hell we all have to accept two things.

1. We have no idea: I don’t care if you have a doctorate in eschatology or if you somehow cracked the “Bible Code”, you don’t know what heaven is going to be like and you don’t know what hell is going to be like (or not be like) outside of words like “good and bad” “awesome and terrible” and whatever else comes up in that ol’ thesaurus (I remember being so disappointed when I found out thesaurus’ weren’t dinosaurs, I cried almost as hard as the kid today).

2. We have all been lied to at some point. When we approach pastors and teachers with tough questions that they don’t know the answers to and they’re well aware that you’re on the verge of some sort of existential crisis they think of whatever answer will calm you down.

Preventing existential crises, but not bringing me the puppies I asked for...

Now knowing these two things we need to respond in these two ways:

1. Stop pretending to be experts in the unknown. The reason why God is so awesome to us is mostly because he is just awesome, he embodies whatever the word awesome means and that makes him bigger and stronger and greater than anything else that could ever be. Now when you say God is awesome it is not helpful to break out the Webster’s Dictionary and say “thus God is limited to: Inspiring an overwhelming feeling of reverence, admiration or fear.” You just ruined the word awesome, that’s all you did. You somehow are such a huge buzz kill that you could un-awesome awesome-ness itself. Good job. Note: As bad as it may be to do this with the Webster’s Dictionary it is infinitely worse to do this with the Urban Dictionary.

2. Get over it. Think about the fact that 5 minutes from now whatever huge question you can’t answer is still going to be there but you’re going to feel fine. Think about how little you thought about this question when you kissed the person you loved or were helping out at some charity. The answer to this question, whatever it may be, was not essential for you to enjoy your life and to share it with others.

So in case your wondering, whatever the answer is to heaven, hell and the fate of every person who ever lived it cannot change the call that Christ has given us to honor Him, to love others and to share ourselves with the people He’s created.

Hopefully this post was better than those two I didn’t post, but if not you’ll never know J

*Kate calls BS

Instant Queue Review- Christmas Cupid

Okay so here’s how my ratings will work:

Actual Rating: This is a general 0-5 star rating much akin to the ratings you’ll get anywhere else. This takes into account things like: writing, directing, acting, all those things they teach people in film school that they think are important.

Enjoyment rating: This is my personal bias. A film might get 1 star up above and 5 stars down here because for some strange reason I really liked it. A good example of this would be Troll 2 or any movie with puppies. I freaking love puppies.

Kate’s Cryometer: Sometimes a movie is complete crap. The writing, the directing, the acting, and the lack of puppies, come together to make a complete film abomination, but for some strange reason Kate still cries. I figured I’d include this for all those people out there looking to get their heartstrings pulled.

Blasphemy Rating: Every once in a while you can get a great film that I really enjoyed and made Kate cry that also flies in the face of the very God I love and worship. Usually it’s somewhat subtle, sometimes it’s blatant, but I figured this should be at least noted for those of you who want to avoid facing theological and existential crises when trying to enjoy a film on the ol’ Instant Queue.

So here it goes. A review of Christmas Cupid:

I've already run out of funny captions...

Actual Rating: 2.5 a completely average film, no offensive mistakes in filmmaking but certainly no accomplishments either. This film has that fresh factory made taste that some people love. Enjoy it with a Twinkie and a can of store brand “Dr. Thunder”.

He got his degree at Mediocrity University

Enjoyment: 3 it was incredibly mediocre but since it was a Christmas movie I found myself flooded with feelings of nostalgia, and since it was another rehashing of The Christmas Carol it reminded me of 2 of my absolute favorite Christmas things. 1. Boy Meets World Christmas episode. 2. A Muppet Christmas Carol. Both are flawless in my opinion and so this movie gets a slight ratings boost.

Kate’s Cryometer: 3 slight misting. Much to my surprise, and to her’s, she found herself getting really sad at the thought that (SPOILER ALERT!) the lead character’s angel friend was going to die and go off to heaven. It certainly was trying to pull the heartstrings.

Blasphemy Rating: 5. This is the kind of film that when you stop and think about it you realize that arguing about Love Wins for months could never stop Hollywood from pissing all over Christianity just to make a buck.

OVERALL: 2 stars

What really tipped the scales was the blasphemy, read on!

Let me start by saying it’s really hard to mess up a Christmas movie. All you have to do is come up with some slightly believable problem, solve it miraculously, and say “yeah! The spirit of Christmas!” For me you can gain points by actually talking about Jesus (ie Charlie Brown Christmas) and you can lose points by preaching the gospel of overspending (ie Jingle All the Way, no offense former Governator).

            I felt safe watching this film and knowing that it would likely follow formula but then I realized that this was ABC Family and as of late they’ve got this strange knack for making things really uncomfortable. Sometimes I wonder if their writers rooms are made up entirely of pedophiles trying to over-sexualize teenagers. Take the laughably awful Secret Life of the American Teenager for example, I’m fine with talking about teen pregnancy and the way that affects people but when every character is defined by their sexual experiences I feel like I’m watching a lifeless version of UK’s Skins. If people want smut there’s always the Internet, we don’t need to be mixing it into every television show anymore.

            So going back to Christmas Cupid, we have a protagonist who is supposed to be the Scrooge of the story, she simple doesn’t understand Christmas or how to love people. Then we have the Marley (for those who are familiar with the Christmas Carol) she’s like this sidekick that get’s the ball rolling. In this case the Marley is modeled after self-obsessed and self-destructive teen star Lindsey Lohan, but in the cartooniest way possible. When we are introduced to the character she begins grinding up on a giant stuffed teddy bear because… well she’s crazy and only cares about sex… with TEDDY BEARS?!?

this seriously happened...

He is not amused.

            So here we are with a heartless witch for a protagonist and a brainless drunken horn-dog for a sidekick. I’m all about anti-heroes but this is just too much. Now a typical Christmas Carol would have the lead character pass out for the night, go through 3 different spirits who help them see the err of their ways and then wake up to find it’s not too late. Instead we have the sidekick come back as a ghost who shows the Scrooge 3 exes over the course of about a week all while the Scrooge is trying to get with one of her exes even though she’s dating someone else.

            Keep in mind that the Christmas Carol story only works with a completely depraved Scrooge, that’s the reason why the Scrooge doesn’t have a love interest typically, because he’s a soulless monster. In this film I’m supposed to believe the main character is despicable at the same time I am supposed to think they deserve to get with the great guy who has always loved them. Why he loves her, no one knows. Why she deserves to get with him, no one knows.

            All of that complete no sense I was prepared to dismiss. I wasn’t looking for a film that perfectly understood the greatness of the original Christmas Carol, I was looking for some good Christmas-y fun. But when things start to wrap up and I still feel like the main character is heartless and the sidekick is a self entitled party girl none of the conclusion is heartwarming or even enjoyable. I call this the “Something Borrowed” effect. For those who have seen the film you know John Krasinki’s character is the only good person in the entire movie, and he gets boned. Now in Christmas Cupid that guy from One Tree Hill that left for greener pastures is stuck playing the good guy who ends up with a heartless witch for NO REASON.

            The thing that really gets me though is that the big conclusion features the idiot party girl (who died choking on a martini olive) GOING TO HEAVEN! Where there’s a big party waiting for her. 

Not pictured: copious amounts of alcohol and man-whores (they were implied)

Now since she died and has been a ghost/angel the only help she’s given her friend is being a complete pain in the butt. She appears at a conference meeting to make disgusting passes at the old man (which I’m assuming was supposed to be funny) and almost gets the main character fired. She continues being intrusive and disruptive while also maintaining this sense of idiocy and self-righteousness… only so in the end she can go to heaven. How is that anybody’s idea of how the afterlife works?? And now I’m stuck, having wasted an hour and a half of my life, questioning the theological implications of this nonsense plot. Oh, and Kate is tearing up*. If I could ask for my money back from an instant queue, I would.

            This movie is so un-Christmas-y that it offends my senses. It’s one of those rare occasion where the more good they try to do (like wrapping this whole mess up in pretty nostalgic Christmas bows) only serves to make the film worse. If you were to unwrap it and look at it as just another ABC Family movie it would be incredibly mediocre, almost as mediocre as the long list of blonde white guys that Christina Millian’s character dated. Apparently all of their casting consisted of pointing at the pages in an Abercrombie ad and saying “we can make those abs act!”

            You cannot.

*Kate would like to clarify that “death of any kind makes me cry”… sure Kate ;-)

**I would like to give a shout out to a stranger named Ashley Benson who made all of this possible with her nearly 3000 meticulously captured screens of this awful film. Many of them have zero views. What a shame: http://ashleybenson.info/photos/displayimage.php?album=196&pid=10082#top_display_media

Occupy the Church Pt. 1 - We are the 99%

No matter what your thoughts on the Occupy Wall Street movement may be, I believe there is a significant statement being made about the state of the Christian church. A term that gets tossed around a lot is “the 99%”, and yet they seem to be such a small group of people. I don’t know a single person who is occupying anywhere right now, so I seriously doubt I don’t know anyone in the 99%. Another phrase often used in regards to these protests is “The Redistribution of Wealth”, taking the hard-earned cash of the 1% and giving it to the ‘undeserving and whining’ 99% who have fallen victim to the ‘admirable ways of capitalism’. And when it comes to Christianity many people respond to this movement with “how can we complain about being the bottom rung when everyone in America is in the top 1%”.

I figured that these are three different and distinct criticisms of the movement that all illuminate a different aspect of how God is working through these people and these circumstances. So for the next three Mondays I’m going to break apart each one of these problems: The mantra that “we are the 99%”, the “Redistribution of Wealth”, and finally the concern that all of America is better off than 99% of the world and so we can’t complain.

This first post is dedicated to the 99%, the chant that has become the one common strand through all the protests.

megaphones on buttons make them louder!

I went down to Orange County on a Thursday night to visit some friends of mine for a “Bible Study”.  I put that in quotes because more often than not, it is us sharing a beer and talking about our frustrations with the world and how we wish we could make something of our lives. I brought up the idea of Occupy Wall Street and my friend said essentially the same thing many people were saying, “these people don’t know what they’re protesting, or why. They’re pointless and aimless and they certainly don’t represent the 99%” And despite being incredibly uneducated on the circumstances of the problem, I found myself coming to their defense.

I knew of the failure of banks to make morally upright decisions, the failure of our government to hold them accountable and the failure of us as American people to stand up for our rights and participate in our democracy. This movement, at the very least, was an attempt to solve the latter of those problems. To be clear, I have no idea whether or not the statements made by protestors in all of these movements across the nation are the best solution to our country’s economic woes but I will say that not making any statement is far more of a failure.

We have forgotten this, or at least it would seem that way from the overwhelming response in the media and from people I am close to. When people get together to voice their frustrations and opinions it is fine to disagree, it is fine to respond with your own frustrations and opinions but it would seem the only wrong action is to outright disregard and belittle those who have used their voice. For this blog post I’m not even going to touch on the biblical view of “Redistribution of Wealth” and so I also don’t plan on saying whether or not these protests are justified, I will say however that the response is not.

I have trouble relating to the Occupy Wall Street Movement, mostly because I am a full-time employed youth pastor who belongs to a credit union. Being that I am a pastor, a large chunk of my education at Bible College was dedicated to coping with being part of the 99%. So when I hear people complain about unemployment I can sympathize but not empathize (or is it vice-versa?), I can understand that they have those feelings but I can’t feel those feelings. I am removed from the problem.

and I am very thankful that I am!

And here’s where things get Christian-y.

This blog post is called ‘Occupy the Church’ because people aren’t. Our churches are hemorrhaging our youth at a surprising rate and new churches are popping up that seem further and further from the unity we are all supposed to find in Christ. There may be plenty of people going to church on a weekly basis but it seems fewer and fewer are occupying the Church at large, stepping into a community of believers that extends beyond the walls of a chapel, or worship center, or trendy warehouse. So the question becomes why does living in a tent in the middle of a city protesting big banks and bad government decisions look more appealing than worshiping a God who loves all people and brings justice on big banks and bad governments and even dirty ill informed protestors?

I’ve heard pastors say things like “All of these kids these days are totally fine with the gays and so they leave the church.” “All of these kids these days don’t believe in absolute truth and so they leave the church.” “All of these kids these days don’t see the point in traditions or how the church is now and so they leave the church.”

And so churches begin making their goal to preach against homosexuality, to simply instill absolute truth, and to reinforce traditions and traditional thought.

That is not the goal of the church.

That is not the goal of a Christian.

And when we make that our goal we will lose people who have come to find the love of Christ.

The OWS movement chants, “We are the 99%” because that means they belong to something bigger than themselves. Isn’t that what the Church should offer? You know when you get really hungry and then you eat nothing but cookies or ramen for dinner? Does that satisfy? What about when you eat a big Chipotle burrito? It seems like there’s nothing that satisfies more. Why are people satisfied with being part of 99% of humanity and not satisfied with being a part of the body of Christ, the One who speaks life into being? Our youth is sick and tired of being marginalized and pushed out, belittled and talked down to. They are hungry for the love of Christ and they are settling for an empty meal of belonging to a group of people who are unified in anger and frustration. Why choose that over the peace of Christ?

I was never a fan of pews but they're not as bad as tents...

            I think they’re justified in protesting, because how did we offer anything different from Wall Street? In what way did we love people when we taught them the evils of homosexuality and post modernism over the goodness and greatness of Christ? In what ways did we offer an alternative to the American way of hedonism and unbridled capitalism, which thrives on the work of others, when we gladly accepted offerings to the Lord to pay for our own luxuries? We took money from our young people and used it to glorify capitalism and to teach them that their frustrations aren’t justified, that their concerns about their homosexual friends who they loved dearly are pointless, that their questions about truth and what is real are too big and crazy for the Lord to handle.

            The fact is we are the 99%. The 99% makes big mistakes, and hurts others. We are failures to our youth and to our country. 99% of the time 99% of the people are going to do things that are 99% wrong. We failed to accept that and so we moved forward arrogantly and stood up for things other than the glory of Christ. I’m not trying to romanticize the movement. I think they’re a bunch of unkempt, unemployed people who don’t really know what the problem is… but the thing is, they should be able to find more of a solution in the church than on Wall Street and that is our mistake, not theirs. It was the government’s mistake to not monitor Wall Street more closely and protect people from the failures of the banks and it was the bank’s mistake to offer loans to people who couldn’t pay them. Let’s be different. Let’s be the first ones to admit our faults and to stop committing them (likely so we can commit a whole new set of faults in the future). We need to be a solution because we need to be the body of Christ and his body was the solution.

            Our job is proclaiming His victory, to celebrate, and to lead others to His victory to celebrate with us. If we allow ourselves to wallow in our mistakes as a church, or the mistakes of our youth then we fail them.

            God redeemed the gays and the homophobes.

            God redeemed the modernist and the post-modernist.

            God redeemed the dirty hippies and the Wall Street bankers and if we are not preaching that at all times through our actions and our repentance, then we are not celebrating that redemption.

            Our youth left the church and went to Wall Street, because there was more truth there than there was here. Let’s repent.

           Let the 99% be redeemed by the One.

That one time I fell on my head

This is the official first post on my first personal blog.

I have accomplished something! Everyone be proud of me for a moment.

Thanks J

So, I’m guessing that you came here because I asked/begged/bribed you to or because you heard about it from someone else (ie Kate… in fact, probably just Kate).

I don’t care why you’re here, and I seriously doubt that you care. What matters now is the present. So come along with me as I try desperately to entertain you.

Let me start by explaining why this blog exists. It’s not just because I have thoughts that need sharing, I’m not delusional to the point of thinking that anything I write here is somehow going to change the world, but I would also hope that you’re not so delusional as to think something you read on a random blog will change your world. It may very well, but just don’t expect those things of me. If you want that kind of stuff read a newspaper, God knows that business needs help and those people actually have degrees in this sort of thing.

So to actually explain why this exists, it’s really quite simply:

I’ve always loved writing, and I don’t want to die like Emily Dickinson.

I don’t want to have someone find my computer when I’m dead and open up a folder titled “Creative” and see that I had been writing pages and pages of poems and rants and script ideas that no one ever read. I think I would be much happier knowing that at least one person read all of those while I was alive. So thank you for that.

It seems like everyone I know realizes all too well that we are living in a recession here in America. I was talking with a friend of mine about the implications that would have on people my age who entered the work force only to find that the jobs they dreamed of simply didn’t exist anymore. I wondered how I would pastor people like that, someone who got out of college with a degree in some sort of Art and a heart full of passion only to take a job at some random office where they could make barely enough money to support their family. How was I supposed to tell people about how great God was, and how he inspires all inspiration when over the years those people’s inspiration would have withered away?  I couldn’t.

Maybe that makes me a bad pastor, but I found myself hoping that if I were in that situation that I wouldn’t let my heart’s passions wither away but rather I would continue to claw at that big gnawing feeling in my chest that told me to do something bigger with my life.

I can’t let down my elementary school self.

It's like the real TMNT with all the awesome turned into glitter.

I used to watch the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Coming out of their Shells Tour on VHS and dance around singing. One time I danced and sang so loud that I fell over on my parent’s brick fireplace and broke my head open. If I could travel back in time and talk to myself right after that moment I wouldn’t know what to say, but I know that I couldn’t tell that kid “Yeah, those dreams won’t come true. You can’t be up on stage; you don’t matter that much and those jobs won’t really be available when you’re all grown up.” I’ve got to make that fall count. Not just that one but all the ones I had since. All the bad grades and lies I told my parents, all the crappy heartbreaks and crappier poems, all of those jobs at places I hated (I’m looking at you Krispy Kreme).

So, yeah.

I’m writing this blog cause one time when I was a kid I fell on a fireplace. I think that’s good enough, and hopefully you do too.