Rant Monday- Courageous

I walked down the streets of Montebello at around 10 PM after church on a Wednesday night. Kate had left about 30 minutes ago while I sat in my car trying hopelessly to get it to start. I had thought to myself, 'maybe I'll just try a few more things and if it doesn't work I'll give her a call on her cell and she can give me a ride home.' Five minutes later I called. No answer. So I started walking.

The church is right next to Whittier Blvd., which is the largest street in Montebello. When I bike to work cars pass it at ridiculous speeds while pedestrians seem to leap out in the road as if wanted to be hit with my bike. From a bicycling standpoint it was dangerous but I had never had the opportunity of walking it at night.

Kate finally called when she had gotten back to her house and as I walked and talked with her I remember saying "I feel like I'm in a haunted house that is made to look like a vacant street." Like that one Goosebumps where they're trick or treating and they don't realize that they actually got transported to another world. I was irrationally terrified, but as I walked from storefront to store front the number of closed down shops far outweighed the number of open ones, and the once busy street had only an occasional car.

I prayed to myself, "God let me get home safe," but as I prayed I leapt at a jogger who passed me as I was walking. It was as if God was playing a cruel joke.

Kate and I had recently watched the Kendrick Brother's "Courageous", and at the time I was walking the content of that film was the furthest thing from my mind, but when I got home safely I laid in my bed catching my breath and I felt shame overwhelm me. "If I had seen my Dad jumping in fear like I was tonight I would be ashamed of him... my son would be ashamed of me."

It's amazing how fear can seep into your life in the most casual ways. It's never fear like from a horror movie that really eats away at your soul, it's the stupid fears that get you. The fear of eating at that B-Rated taco place down the street. The fear of parking in front of that one neighbors house cause it looks run-down. The fear of embarrassing yourself, or challenging yourself, or the fear of change.

"[…] for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control." 2 Timothy 1:7

We like to think of courage as fearlessness. David was fearless when he faced Goliath but his fearlessness was a product of his courage. I think about this verse and how it doesn't simply say, "God gave us a fearLESS spirit," but it specifies that the spirit is of power and LOVE and self-control. These three things are the elements of courage.

1. We have a spirit of power. A spirit that is bigger, stronger, faster, than EVERYTHING else. It is the all-powerful Spirit of God. So of course when we talk of fear we are reminded that the Spirit of God is the one with ALL POWER. Our spirit isn't fearless, but our spirit is fearful of God. It recognizes the overwhelming power of the LORD.

2. We have a spirit of LOVE. Not a violent spirit, as we often think of when we think of fearless. Going back to David, he was fearless enough to defeat Goliath but was he fearless enough to truly LOVE Goliath? The Spirit of God is even greater than fearlessness; it is loving, wishing to restore all things to good. When I watch horror movies (which is very seldom) I hope to see one guy finally get the balls to fight back against whatever is out there. I would be terribly disappointed if I watched as some dude was excessively patient and kind to the bad guy, but the all powerful Spirit of God exercises this love in the face of fear. Patience and kindness are the Spirit's solution.

3. We have a spirit of self-control. Of all the things this is the one that gets me the most. I was supposed to have a spirit of self-control but I allowed myself to be overcome with the worry that something bad might happen, that from an empty storefront some unimaginable badness would leap out and kill me. The heart of fear is our own self-indulgence.

Look at what your biggest fears are, and no I'm not talking about spiders and heights I mean those fear that sit in the back of your head. Fear that you can't provide for the people you love. Fear that you'll lose your job. Fear that you'll fail those around you. These are just a few of mine and as I look at them I realize my fears are rooted in my selfish thinking. Fear of finances is the worst because in the back of my mind all of my thoughts are "how am I going to make sure I get what I deserve."

The Spirit of God is a spirit of self-control that reminds us that the self comes last and that Christ has control.