IQR- Die Hard

Finally! A Christmas movie on Instant Queue that I actually like!

It's like Christmas came early!

Actual Rating: 5 Stars. This film is so much more than just a typical action movie, there are all these layers to it that unfold in perfect timing. The best part is how John McClane’s vulnerability is subtly showcased in each scene. This film seems to have perfected the art of showing and not telling. IE it shows explosions rather than telling me about silly things like “feelings”.

Enjoyment Rating: 5 Stars. As much as I shouldn’t enjoy all the foul-mouthed one liners I just can’t help myself. They’re perfect. The bad hair-cuts, also perfect. It’s one of the few 80’s movies that can be unashamedly 80’s and still be… dare I say, perfect. Not to mention it’s a Christmas movie, really only to the same degree that Golden Christmas 1 and 2 were but still! Christmas! It’s like adding special little awesome sprinkles onto a perfect awesome sundae… of explosions!

Kate’s Cryometer: 0 tears. Kate did weep tears of joys for how good the film was but as they fell they were replaced with explosions. Die Hard exploded Kate’s tears, hence the 5 stars in the enjoyment rating.

Blasphemy Rating: 0 or 5 explosions, depending. At first it gets 5 explosions because I love this movie so much it is almost blasphemous. When I watch it I find myself thinking things like “this is the best Christmas movie of all time” even though it goes against everything I love about Christmas: puppies, cookies, Christmas miracles, etc. My love for this film flies in the face of my love for the season of Christ’s birth so, yeah, 5 blasphemy explosions. But as I really think about it I realize that what I love about this film is how much it shows our vulnerability in the face of adversity and the way that people can rise above that weakness. For that I give it 0 blasphemy explosions. It ends up being somewhere in the middle because as much as I love the story of man overcoming weakness in the face of impossible odds there is that one big thing missing that makes it possible…

Jesus. That’s what’s missing.

I love stealing other peoples photoshop jokes!

Overall rating: 4.5 stars. Don’t ask me why it’s not 5, because I can’t tell you, it’s just a gut feeling.

So let’s get back to this vulnerability because I think that is what makes this film such a success. For those who haven’t seen it you should stop reading cause **SPOILER ALERT**… Every scene with John McClane, from the first one where his plane is landing to the very last one where he is walking away from the wreckage of Nakatomi tower, he is juxtaposed by his weakness. Think about the airplane scene, the first time we see our hero, and he’s noticeable shaken by a simple plane landing. The nerdy guy next to him even gives him tips on what to do when he’s done flying. John McClane isn’t a perfect hero, in fact every step of the way he seems more and more imperfect. His failing marriage just illustrates this even more. John McClane doesn’t have his life together.

So when John McClane gets put into a crappy situation you don’t really expect him to succeed. When he first leaps into action he’s got no outer shirt and no shoes and he’s in one of the most vulnerable places I can imagine: a public restroom.

later he gets into much more vulnerable places.

And that’s just the beginning. He hasn’t even gotten shot at yet and he’s already down on his luck. Not to mention he’s 1 guy against 13! And Throughout the movie they go out of their way to cement the fact that these terrorists are smart and well trained. When they first walk into the building it’s like clockwork. They go around shooting everyone that needs to be shot and the whole thing moves so smoothly and emotionless that you can’t help but think that these terrorists are an unstoppable killing machine. That’s why it’s so odd that John McClane, of all people, is the wrench in that machine.

You would think at some point McClane would get some help but it goes in exactly the other direction. He’s finally able to contact the police and they don’t believe him (resulting in one of the best one-liners of all time). He is hanging from a rope trying to reach an air duct and the rope breaks. He is standing in a room full of windows with no shoes on and the terrorists shoot the glass. The craziest part is when he actually, full on, gets SHOT in the right shoulder and still manages to keep fighting. When the FBI arrive in what is supposed to be rescue helicopters they’re actually gunships that shoot at him! He jumps off a freaking building, being held only by a fire hose, and the fire hose breaks! There is absolutely no reason why this movie should have a happy ending, and that’s what makes the happy ending so much more satisfying.

look how suave these terrorists are!
they look like they deserve to win.

oh but no! They got John McClain'd!

All movies end up being caricatures to some extent. They are these exaggerations of reality that help to magnify reality so that we don’t have to look as hard to find all the nuggets of entertainment, humor, and action. Most of the times these caricatures blow up the picture and in the process they lose a lot of it. Take a movie like Nutty Professor 2 for instance (just pulling a movie off the top of my head). It’s supposed to be magnifying the humor but in the process it loses all concept of humanity or relatability. A fat man acting ridiculous is funny. One man playing a bunch of fat people telling fart jokes just doesn’t make sense.

Die Hard is great because it magnifies reality while also keeping it intact. I’m not trying to say that anything in Die Hard could really happen but I do think it’s realistic. Die Hard is realistic because on a daily basis there are people out there, which despite their glaring flaws and handicaps, overcome a world that is working against them in order to achieve a goal they never thought possible. Really we do that everyday just by waking up in the morning. That doesn’t mean you should give yourself a high five for anything but when you really consider how much works against you on a daily basis it’s amazing that I even make it to breakfast. And it’s not like the world is set up to make it easier for you to live. If you listen to the news on a regular basis you hear all the stories about different things that can kill, things as simple as your drive to work or even the foods you eat every morning. I just read that neti-pots can kill you. Neti-pots! Die Hard is realistic because it never wants gives McClane a hand, but instead chooses to consistently showcase his shortcomings and bad luck. McClane’s not the kind of guy who gets everything right, he’s the kind of guy who uses a neti-pot only to find out that there were terrorists inside all along!

they've already won!