List Tuesday- February pt 1.

Why February is Weird

1. It’s the shortest month out of the year. Some years it’s a day longer and it's STILL the shortest month out of the year. Wouldn’t it make sense to just have some of the 30 day months be 31 day months?! or make a special even weirder month that was only a week long? I'd call it Weirdsuaryemberly (just added that word to me Word Dictionary!)

2. Even though it’s the shortest month of the year it’s Black History Month, which just makes me feel like we’re still finding the pettiest way of screwing over African Americans. Seriously guys, it couldn’t have been ANY OTHER MONTH?! (except Weirdsuaryemberly... they need that for women's history month)

3. Valentine’s Day is absolutely ridiculous, and I LOVE romance. I’m fine with buying chocolates and roses and promising back massages to my beautiful fiancé but when it comes to setting aside one day of the year where that is expected it goes against the whole idea of romance. I’d probably be better off doing nothing for Valentine’s Day, thus lowering her expectations, and then doing everything I would have done on some random day in March. No one expects romance in March.

4. It's in the winter? Really?! I mean, I know technically winter starts at the end of December but everyone knows that it basically ends after Christmas and then it’s some strange unknown and unnamed season that I like to call pre-spring. When I talk about “walking in a winter wonderland” there is no part of me that thinks of the Valentine’s Day displays at Target.

5. All the candies are red. Cherry flavored candy tastes like cough syrup and then MAYBE you eat a piece of strawberry candy and it’s like the best day of your life but to get there you’ve got to suffer through an endless number of CHERRY candies… ie cough drops, cough syrup, the flavor in your mouth after you’ve vomited up cough drops and cough syrup… oh, uh, guh… I’m gagging at the thought.

6. Bruary is really hard to pronounce. Just try it for a second and then think about all the other months. January is the closest to being difficult and you still have that sweet relief of a hard “n” before you’ve got to get into that vowel cluster cause of “ua”. But what is up with that “buh” in February, it’s just puts a wrench in the whole thing and makes you sound like you’re in the middle of a game of chubby bunny. Feb-bu-wawy.

7. All of the above. It’s like the concept of a filling; you hurt a lot right now so you don’t have to suffer as much in the future. If we put all the sucky things on one month then all the other months seem great in comparison… especially December, which is like the King of Hearts of months. When you already have a weird sounding month why would you make it the shortest just for kicks, and then start weighing it down with all sorts of weird things like Valentine’s day, and winter, and then take the weirdest month of the year and say “ok, the blacks can have this one”… super racist guys.

TUNE IN NEXT WEEK FOR “WHY FEBRUARY IS AWESOME”… it will probably be my shortest list yet! :-)