"So this is it? I sold my soul for this? I washed my hands of that for this? I miss my mom and dad for this? No. When I see stars, when I see stars that's all they are but when I hear a song it sounds like a swan."
-Fun. "Some Nights"
I sat down with Kate last night and I asked her a really tough question.
"What do you want?"
As Donald Miller would put it, we are all writing our stories and good protagonists want something. They have a goal, a singular selfless idea that they strive toward.
I was surprised when Kate's response was essentially "this."
"Exactly what we have. Exactly this."
I think back to my last semester at Fullerton College when I was swimming through all of my dreams and thinking about how badly I wanted to be a film-maker, rock star, speaker, and novelist. I refused to just pick one. I refused to shrink down those dreams. I knew that my God was big enough that if those were the things He wanted for me then those would be the things He would give me. No one was gonna tell me to pick one goal, but actually I already had.
I never realized that my decision so many years ago to choose Christ instead of any one of those things, to go to Bible College instead of getting a film degree, or music degree, or creative writing degree, was a decision to let go of everything else in order to pursue God. Initially I thought that God was going to lead me to all the things that I wanted and that I would have them in excess, now I see that God made me to want Him and that all those others things were exactly that- excess.
Kate got me to listen to "Fun." lately. Really it was a mix between Kate and Spotify but I'll give Kate the majority of the credit. I heard the song "Some Nights" and the part up above really stood out to me. This was it. This is what I sold my soul for. This is what I gave up movies and music and writing for. This is what I gave up living close to my friends for. This is what I gave up living in Missouri with my family for. I gave up seeing my niece and nephews (so many nephews nowadays). I gave up the park where I used to laugh and play with my friends. I gave up the chance for so many great nights. For this.
But no. When I see a movie I might love it and remember what made me love films in the first place. When I hear a song it points me straight back to that feeling that I wanted so badly all through high school. When I write I hear words passing through me that aren't my own. But in all of those things my love for them was only my love for the God who moved through them.
Maybe the guy who wrote that song knows that he gave up everything because when he hears a song it is something transcendant. I gave up everything because I know that the thing that brings us out of this world, that shows us something more than just what we hear or see, that thing is something so much bigger than all of this.
I sold my soul so I could know God more. I washed my hands of all of those great days and memories with friends so that I could be where God led me. I lived in Montebello to grow His church. When I see stars, that's all they are. When I hear a song, that's all it is. When I watch a movie it's just pictures on a screen but when I get the smallest glimpse of Christ my life is changed forever.
-Fun. "Some Nights"
I sat down with Kate last night and I asked her a really tough question.
"What do you want?"
As Donald Miller would put it, we are all writing our stories and good protagonists want something. They have a goal, a singular selfless idea that they strive toward.
I was surprised when Kate's response was essentially "this."
"Exactly what we have. Exactly this."
I think back to my last semester at Fullerton College when I was swimming through all of my dreams and thinking about how badly I wanted to be a film-maker, rock star, speaker, and novelist. I refused to just pick one. I refused to shrink down those dreams. I knew that my God was big enough that if those were the things He wanted for me then those would be the things He would give me. No one was gonna tell me to pick one goal, but actually I already had.
I never realized that my decision so many years ago to choose Christ instead of any one of those things, to go to Bible College instead of getting a film degree, or music degree, or creative writing degree, was a decision to let go of everything else in order to pursue God. Initially I thought that God was going to lead me to all the things that I wanted and that I would have them in excess, now I see that God made me to want Him and that all those others things were exactly that- excess.
Kate got me to listen to "Fun." lately. Really it was a mix between Kate and Spotify but I'll give Kate the majority of the credit. I heard the song "Some Nights" and the part up above really stood out to me. This was it. This is what I sold my soul for. This is what I gave up movies and music and writing for. This is what I gave up living close to my friends for. This is what I gave up living in Missouri with my family for. I gave up seeing my niece and nephews (so many nephews nowadays). I gave up the park where I used to laugh and play with my friends. I gave up the chance for so many great nights. For this.
But no. When I see a movie I might love it and remember what made me love films in the first place. When I hear a song it points me straight back to that feeling that I wanted so badly all through high school. When I write I hear words passing through me that aren't my own. But in all of those things my love for them was only my love for the God who moved through them.
Maybe the guy who wrote that song knows that he gave up everything because when he hears a song it is something transcendant. I gave up everything because I know that the thing that brings us out of this world, that shows us something more than just what we hear or see, that thing is something so much bigger than all of this.
I sold my soul so I could know God more. I washed my hands of all of those great days and memories with friends so that I could be where God led me. I lived in Montebello to grow His church. When I see stars, that's all they are. When I hear a song, that's all it is. When I watch a movie it's just pictures on a screen but when I get the smallest glimpse of Christ my life is changed forever.
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